


Trying and Still Failing

by Diary



Category: Scandal (TV)
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 05, Ambiguity, Angst, Awkward Conversations, Bechdel Test Fail, Break Up, Canon Character of Color, Canon Gay Character, Canon Queer Character, Disturbing Themes, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Post-Episode AU: s05e17 Thwack!, Post-Season/Series 04 AU, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 12:00:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6565309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An AU look at what happens after Michael sees the pictures. Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trying and Still Failing

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Scandal.

When he gets home, Cyrus takes in the way Michael is sitting on the couch and immediately knows something is wrong. “Where’s Ella?”

“At a sleepover,” Michael answers. He picks up some papers lying beside him, puts them on the table, and pushes them across. “Alex Vargas was here earlier.”

Picking them up, Cyrus sees pictures of him and Tom kissing.

He knows he has to find out what all Alex knows. There shouldn’t be any record of Tom’s crimes and time in prison, but if Alex has somehow managed to connect Tom to Frankie’s shooting…

If he hasn’t, it’s too bad Liv isn’t an option, he thinks.

Cheating on his ex-hooker husband or admitting they have an open marriage after all the work put into spinning it as a true love story isn’t going to look good, but in this instance, he’s not actually doing anything illegal.

“Do you love him?”

Startled, he looks over and realises, aside from all this, he’s going to have to deal with an unhappy Michael, too.

Sitting down, he sets the pictures back on the table.

Michael turns them over. “Or is he like me?”

“No,” he answers. “To both. Tom works for me, but I’m not paying him for sex.”

Michael lets out a small laugh. “I do know you, Cy. You didn’t love me, but you did genuinely like me. I had you wrapped around my finger. How much do you like him?”

Hating how uncomfortable it is to do so, Cyrus admits, “It’s sex and working together. Not feelings.”

“I know you,” Michael repeats. “Even with women, you never had sex unless you cared about the person. That night I came over, the last time we had sex- I could see how much you hated yourself after. You wouldn’t risk getting involved with someone else in such a way.”

Cyrus sighs. “You do know me,” he acknowledges. “But in this instance, you’re wrong. Without going into detail, Tom has killed before. I gave him plenty of money before the sex started. He offered. Made the first move. I don’t know why he did. But I did tell him at the start, any time he wanted to stop, we’d stop. Whether he wants me or not, he’s not doing it as a matter of survival.”

“As for why I’m doing it- I don’t know for sure. Because I still occasionally crave sex, I suppose, and he’s a young, handsome man who makes me feel good. Maybe I want good sex without the complication feelings bring. Emotionally, I can’t hurt him, and he can’t hurt me.”

Reaching over, Michael takes his hand. “Me and you are stuck together. Whatever I need to do to help with Alex Vargas, I will. Do whatever you want, Cyrus, but let me just say: You know yourself better than this. There are people who can truly enjoy sex without an emotional connection. You never have been and never will be one of them. That’s not a bad thing, but it does mean, if you keep having sex with him and not feeling anything for him, eventually, it’s going to hit you, and you’re going to feel even worse than you did that night with me. Or if you keep having sex with him, develop feelings, and he doesn’t return them, again, it’s going to be even worse than it was with me. Sometimes, the first cut isn’t the deepest.”

Leaning over, he kisses Cyrus on the cheek. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

…

Tom kisses him as soon as he gets fully inside the suite.

As much as he wants to enjoy it, thoughts keep flickering through his head.

‘Failure is not one of your options,’ he’d said. ‘You’ll go back into whatever box you came out of, and you’ll stay there.’

Cyrus knows with only a small bit of shame, if he was faced with such a threat and believed the person delivering could and would follow through, he’d debase himself or whatever else he needed to do in order to not have it happen.

Eli Pope is so obsessed with his wife, he probably hasn’t had sex in decades, and Cyrus has seen first-hand how utterly devoted certain B6-13 agents were to the man.

If he hasn’t managed to miss something in all the investigating he’s done and Tom really isn’t working for Eli, Olivia, or anyone else, then, he might truly have transferred all his devotion from Eli to Cyrus.

Before Cyrus ruined everything, James wanted him. Not his money or his power. He saw Cyrus’s flaws, and he wanted him. He was a real, flawed, normal person who might have made the biggest mistake in his too-short life by doing so, but he fell in love with Cyrus Rutherford Beene.

He feels one of Tom’s hands working at his tie and the other going for his belt.

Pushing Tom away, he takes a step back. Trying not to analyse the small noise Tom makes, he takes the folder out of his jacket. “We have a problem.”

Tom looks at the pictures. “This should be easy enough to fix.”

Unable to help himself, Cyrus laughs. Sitting down in a chair, he asks, “What do you have in mind?”

…

“This should work,” he agrees.

He stands up, and Tom follows suit.

“Do you need to get home?”

He can’t afford to wonder if the longing in Tom’s tone and eyes is something he’s imagining or not.

For all he knows, Tom is desperately praying the answer is, ‘Yes.’

“Yes,” he answers.

When Tom moves in for a kiss, Cyrus puts a hand on his chest to stop him. “We’re not doing that anymore.”

Tom’s look is confused and possibly hurt. “Once we fix this-”

“This isn’t about the photos. Not really. They might have been something of a catalyst, but- Look, Tom, I don’t know why you’ve been doing this. I’m not sure why I have been. But it’s a mistake, and I can’t change the fact I’ve made it, but I can take a step back and stop continuing to make it.”

He rubs his eyes. “I’ve never been a good person. Even as a kid, I was a manipulative, power-hungry, little bastard. Despite this, I was loyal to my wife. In every other way I was a terrible husband to James, I never betrayed our bed. I was never even tempted. Now, I’m married, and I’ve been sleeping with someone I work with because you’re handsome and offered. I didn’t even care enough to ask why.”

“So, if you want to find someone else, as long as it doesn’t compromise the job, I don’t care. If you don’t, don’t. The one thing I’m never going to have you do is sleep with someone to get the job done. Goodnight, Tom.”

His hand is on the doorknob when he hears, “Do you want me to tell you why I did?”

“No.”

He walks out.

…

When the guards leave, Maya smiles. “Well, it’s certainly been a long time since I saw you. I’m surprised.”

Tom looks her square in the eyes. “If you help me, I’ll help you.”

She scoffs. “I remember the little boy you once were, Tommy. You look- sad, now. Hurt. But undeniably a man. So, man to woman, what do you think you can do for me, and what are you going to want in return?”


End file.
